This essay makes a few good points, but is organized in a confusing manner. The writer awkwardly jumped between ideas, which were made even less understandable by a few cases of bad grammar. In paragraph two, the writer noted that advertisements “do not have a valid message” because the issue of obesity in America will be discussed on television followed by a fast-food commercial, video game commercial, then a weight loss commercial. The writer then claims that this is an example of the media “advocating to eat while playing video games or watching TV.” What they do not understand is that the commercials were most likely from all different companies; the order of their presentation is merely a coincidence. Assuming for a moment that the order of the commercials was intentionally designed to advocate eating, why would weight-loss follow McDonalds? The last thing that Mickey D’s wants is for its consumers to be health conscious enough to stay away from their food.
The author does not summarize the article well, and only briefly touched upon one of the author's ideas before going off on modernizing and suggested meaning of advertisements. Personal experience and outside knowledge were used, although the points that were made were not supported very well. The conclusion was one big run-on sentence that mentions the inescapability of advertisements, being brainwashed to buy more modern technology, and a claim that a person with modern technology attains a high acceptance in society because consumers have been brainwashed. If I were to grade this paper by the rubric, I believe this paper would lie near the border of passing and failing.
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